Barbarian

I went camping once.
Two hours later, I was checked into a Holiday Inn, lying on a table and getting massaged by a muscular Swedish man named Sven.
If I can’t survive on a campground, how can I survive by myself on an alien planet?
And that’s exactly where I am.
The flowers are as big as cars, the bugs as big as dogs, and there’s no Holiday Inn in sight.
Oh, and did I forget to mention…there are freaking dinosaurs here!
I would have been their lunch if it wasn’t for Turic, my blue alien savior.
He’s no Sven but he has other ways to please me…
And this muscular alien with the heavenly tongue is making this harsh alien planet feel like home.